just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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