One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize