is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
