Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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