Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
