She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
