since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
