when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
