Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
