My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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