Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize