I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
