My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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