I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
