I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
