When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
