she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
handjob tips. give me some.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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