I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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