hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
