did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
