Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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