We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
