If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
