i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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