we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize