The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
