It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need to align my fucking chakras
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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