She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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