that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
