dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
