So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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