I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
