I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
