first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
