just tell him i said nine months
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize