I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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