I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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