writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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