Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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