I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
