we have pet lesbian snakes
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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