i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
