My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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