Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
