i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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