haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
