what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize