Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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