GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Farmville is her only friend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's always time for handjobs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
