Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
