She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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