he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize