i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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