I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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