no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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