You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to align my fucking chakras
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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