escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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