so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
