I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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