Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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