The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
