I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
