Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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