yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
