There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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