I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
