Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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