Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
