I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
