never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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