hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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