trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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