My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
