remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
