I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
